SPECIALTY
Perfectionismtherapy in NYCfor when nothingfeels like enough
You finish the thing and immediately start checking it. You redo what was already fine, replay what you said, and move the bar before anything can land. Online therapy for adults in Manhattan, across NYC, and throughout New York State.
AT A GLANCE
For adults across New York State whose standards for themselves never quite let them land.
- 50-minute sessions, telehealth
- For adults living in New York State
- $160/session, or insurance (eligibility varies by plan)
- Evenings & weekends available
- Free 15-minute consult to start
Slower than your brain wants to go.
Prepared for every meeting.
Up until 1am fixing something no one else would notice.
Never misses a deadline.
The next thing is already waiting before this one lands.
Always has it handled.
Exhausted. Still going.
What it looks like from the outside
- Prepared for every meeting.
- Never misses a deadline.
- Always has it handled.
What it costs
- Up until 1am fixing something no one else would notice.
- The next thing is already waiting before this one lands.
- Exhausted. Still going.
01 WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE
Perfectionism isn't about high standards. It's about what happens when you don't meet them.
You don't need a lecture about high standards. You need relief from the hum underneath, the constant scan for what you missed, what you should have said, what will expose you if you stop moving. It looks like success on the outside. On the inside it can feel like you're always one mistake from being found out.
More effort won't move the goalpost.
You check the email again, replay the meeting, redo work that was already fine, and the finish line still moves. The promotion, the degree, the thing you thought would finally quiet the voice. It doesn't. That doesn't mean you're ungrateful. It means the standard in your head wasn't built to let you land.
Most people who come to me for this don't say “perfectionism” first. They say things like:
- “I’ll spend four hours on an email that should take ten minutes.”
- “I can’t start anything unless I’m sure I can do it right.”
- “I got the promotion and within a week I was already stressed about the next thing.”
- “Everyone thinks I’m crushing it. I feel like I’m one mistake away from being exposed.”
- “I can’t sit on the couch without a list in my head of everything I should be doing.”
- “I replayed a two-minute interaction from the meeting for three days straight.”
Some of this is perfectionism. Some of it is adjacent: imposter syndrome, chronic self-monitoring, the kind of overthinking your nervous system taught itself a long time ago. We figure out which is which. Then we figure out what's underneath. For some people, that adjacent piece is ADHD that never got named — perfectionism built, one habit at a time, on top of it. If that's sounding familiar, the late-diagnosed ADHD page goes into that specific pattern.
There's a version of New York that runs on credentials, optimization, and quietly checking what your peer group is doing. The promotion. The startup. The body, somehow, while also working 60 hours. Perfectionism here doesn't have to manufacture pressure — it's ambient. The work isn't opting out of comparison. It's noticing what it costs you, and what's underneath the bar you keep raising on yourself.
“Overthinking isn't a character flaw. It's a strategy that kept you safe once, and it's running out of rope.”
03 HOW WE'D ACTUALLY WORK ON THIS
Slower than your brain wants to go.
We'd start by naming what the voice in your head actually sounds like, whose voice it is, and what it's been protecting you from. Not with a worksheet. With something like: what actually happened in your body when you turned that project in last Tuesday, before you'd even gotten feedback.
From there we'd work on a few layers at once: the nervous system piece (so turning something in stops feeling like physical danger), the cognitive piece (so you can tell the difference between high standards and fear wearing a suit), and what's underneath (so your worth stops being something you have to earn back every morning).
When the perfectionism shows up trying to run the session the way it runs everything else, I'll name it out loud instead of playing along. It doesn't get a vote on how this goes. You get to be a person who's allowed to be a work in progress — for a lot of my clients, that's an entirely new experience.
04 WHAT YOU MIGHT NOTICE
You leave a reply unread overnight. It doesn’t ruin your sleep.
You turn something in without reading it a fifth time.
The goalpost moves. You notice it happening. That’s new.
You stop earning the right to rest. You just rest.
“I sent a deck I knew wasn't perfect and I didn't redo it on the train. My boss said it was great. I'm honestly still kind of mad about it being great.”
Client, 36 · Perfectionism · 17 months
Testimonials shared with permission. Identifying details changed.
These often come together:
05STARTING
If this sounds like the right fit,let's talk.
Nothing you say has to be perfect. This is the one place that’s off the table.
You send a note.
Takes a minute. Tell me what’s bringing you in, or just say “hi, I want to talk.” No intake form, no questionnaire.
We do a 15-min call.
No cost, no commitment. We see if it’s a fit. If it’s not, I’ll help you find someone it is.
We book a first session.
Evenings and weekends available. Telehealth from anywhere in New York State.
Or email Angela@nystateofmindtherapy.com
Free 15-minute consult, no pressure. Private pay $160/session. I bill Cigna, UnitedHealthcare, Oxford, Optum, and Oscar directly. Aetna and certain BCBS plans are handled through Headway. Out-of-network support is available, including claim submission and superbills. Contact me directly if you want help sorting out your coverage.